Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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