He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
