Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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