Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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