Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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