it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
