Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Do I have a choice?
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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