Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
