He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
