There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
