did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
