when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The beer is more important than you right now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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