girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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