I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
