I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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