i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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