Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
