If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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