True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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