): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
