I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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