Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
