with your own penis?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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