Betty ford says i'm here all night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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