I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
