You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
