I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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