He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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