nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
