dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
