So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
