The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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