Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
