he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
