When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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