I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
