Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
