i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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