Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
