you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
