so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize