I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
