You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
