you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
