Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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