legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
