didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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