You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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