I just saw a hot homeless man
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
