"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
