I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
