I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
