i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
