At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
