If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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