Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
