so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
