I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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