I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
