I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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