You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
