i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize