It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently I’m into choking now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
