I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
