Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
