dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
