Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
