Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
