Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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