She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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