Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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