I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
