Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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