I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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