im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
