So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
