Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize