New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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