Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
