Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
