Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
