so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
