His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
