its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
