I hate all girls vehemently.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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