For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
