She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
