i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
