Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize