My hand turned me down
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
