Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
sex in a hospital.. check
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
