she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
