in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
