Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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