I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
