so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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