you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
