therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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