I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
