It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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