threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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