apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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