i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
