I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
