You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
