He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
