Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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